Yesterday morning, Steve's kids returned to their mother's home, after spending the last 13 days here with us. I think the following email is self explanitory....
Steven,
I do have Z.'s glasses. If you could have our children properly dressed in their winter attire next time you drop them off that would be great. They froze on the walk to school.
Also I wish to inquire of the bruises on N.'s forehead. Z. and J. are telling me that D. hit him over the head with the ladder to the bunk bed. Also J. told me that the baby fell down the stairs when he was unsupervised. And he has a bunch of scratches all over his chest and stomach. I would like to know what happened and where the scratches came from.
Thank You
C.
The children also said they were unable to phone me because you told them that you didn't have a phone number for me which I send to you twice in an email already. So I will teach both J. and Z. the number and I look forward to hearing from them when they are with you. As I allow them to call you when they wish too.
Wow. Looks pretty bad eh? If your an outsider looking in with just that email, it paints Steve and I in a pretty bad light. Look at the whole picture though, and well, things become just a little more clear....
C.:
If you want to discuss concerns regarding the care of the children while in the others care then perhaps we can talk about how when you sent the children to me nearly two weeks ago, that none of the children had socks; the baby wasn’t even in a coat,; one was merely handed out with him. N. also wasn’t changed yet that day as he soaked through on the drive home at 10am. (So he would have been up for 3 – 4 hours by this point) A. was sent back to you in the coat he arrived in, I do have a winter coat for him here, and will make sure it is waiting for him when he comes back on Friday morning. When we received the children nearly two weeks ago, they had not been fed a proper breakfast, they said they were given “half a fruit rollup” each. As well the children were kept home from school that day as you had slept in. Despite all of the children being in their pajamas at 10am, you were fully dressed, even though you promised up and down they would be ready to go when L. arrived, and you were aware of the fact that L. was rearranging her work schedule to accommodate your need for someone to watch our children.
For the last two weeks, you could not even provide them with basic necessities such as groceries, yet were at the movies on Saturday (Nov 21) night.
Note that both J. and Z. were sent back in full winter attire, including hats and mittens, and N. was sent in his good winter coat. If you are going to be walking the children in this type of whether, you need to communicate that to me ahead of time so I can send A. and N. with proper hat/mitts.
Maybe we should discuss how Z. does not have sneakers for school, so he is forced to wear his winter boots in class, in spite of us providing him with 4 pairs of sneakers since Sept. Or how Z. arrived here less than a month ago wearing a pair of crocs. Perhaps we can also discuss how J.’s shoes that are less than 3 months old have had the toe chewed out of them, and that they seem to be the only shoes she has, despite her being provided 5 pairs in addition to them since Sept, all of which have travelled to your home, never to return.
Or perhaps we can discuss how N.’s crib is up for sale on Kijiji, and given the fact that “if Mommy sleeps in, and we miss the bus, we don’t go to school” I sincerely hope that he has age appropriate and safe sleeping arrangements. Or maybe about how every single time we receive Nate back from you he seems to have a bloody raw bum rash to the point I have had to take him to the hospital for treatment. Or how about how Z. did not have the proper glasses for the last 13 days, as they were broken at your house and you did not bother to go and get them fixed (even though they are under warranty), and in spite of the fact that L. offered to take them with her and to transport him and his glasses to Vogue immediately to have them fixed.
Or perhaps about how the boys have indicated that the dog urinates and defecates all over their bed, and they have to sleep in dirty blankets because Mommy doesn’t clean them properly. Or perhaps we can talk about the garbage all up and down your stairwell when L. went to pick up the children. As I recall that stairwell was also full of garbage the last two times I had to get the police to supervise the drop off.
Or how about how J. says “Mommy’s house is “gross” “ and that she “likes coming to Daddy’s because it’s clean here”. Or about the fact that the children seem utterly amazed about the fact that they get both lunch AND dinner here. J. has asked I request that you no longer force her to eat “rice sandwiches” as she really doesn’t care for them.
There are proper government agencies should you have any concerns with respect to how our children are being looked after while in my care. My home is not the one with an open child protection case.
Also, regarding your request to have the children phone you, per the existing court order there is to be no phone contact between our households, everything needs to be in email so it is documented. Since you obviously have email access, I would expect your mother would have no further need of attempting to pass messages on your behalf. In the future, if there is any issues with you being able to meet the pick up or drop off times, I would ask you communicate them to me directly, via email as directed by the courts.
Please tell our children I love them and will see them Friday at 8am at the Lansdowne Tim Horton’s.
Regards,
Steven
Look, I know that custody battles are no fun. I know they can be a blood bath. I can accept that. But c'mon lady, what are you doing??? Seriously? If you want to make veiled accusations of child abuse, do it the proper way. Have the balls to contact child protection with your concerns so that people that are trained to deal with these kind of things can do a proper investigation.
O wait... you did that once didn't you??? Back in July when you accused me of grabbing Z. by the wrist, except that when the oldest children where interviewed they told the worker they admitted that you told them to say this, and that the allegations were identical word for word out of two children's mouths. By the way, just for your future reference C., 5 and 6 year old children don't use phrases like "supervise the situation" might want to keep that in mind the next time you decide to launch "malicious accusations" . Those were child protections words, not mine. And you've already been told that the next time you decide to take that route, you're not likely to be taken very seriously.
There's so much that I would love to be able to say to C., but alas for Steve and the children's sake, I've bit my tongue. I think given the oppurtunity, my open letter to C. would look something like this...
C.,
I think it's time you started using your children as less of a meal ticket and treating them like a child deserves to be treated. Their not "your" children like you often tell us in your emails. Labeling children as "mine", "yours" implies ownership. This may come as a surprise but not only do you not own these children, ownership of humans was outlawed back in the days of Lincoln.
It's time for you to close your legs, and your door to the constant men in and out of your children's life. Labeling a man as a fiance doesn't mean anything when we all know that he'll be gone in a couple months, but that's what happens when you allow a man to move in after knowing him just 4 days. If you can't have a little respect for yourself, at least have it for your children. All four of your children are getting to an age when they're becoming aware and when they see you bringing in a different man every few weeks, they'll start to think that's normal for adult relationships. It's not. You have a minimum of 3 days without the children in your care. Use that time to be a cum dumpster.
Yes, I know exactly what it's like to be a single mother of 4 very young children. I've been there. I know what it's like to be broke, and frustrated to not know where the next meal is going to come from. I've had to use welfare, food banks, all of it. And if I ever found myself in a situation where I needed to use those services again, I know that they'd be there. These services arn't in place for you to take advantage of, they exsist for when someone's having a hard time and just needs an extra boost to survive. There meant to be a temporary measure, get up off your lazy ass and get a job. Suck it up buttercup, the world doesn't owe you. You are responsible for making sure the kids have the basics like food, it's NOT ok to merely toss them aside and pretend you arn't a parent for 2 weeks out of the month because your welfare money ran out. Perhaps you should have thought about that before you went to the movies, or bought that second, third or fourth drink at the bar. It's time to be a parent to the 4 children you were a part of making. Consider yourself luckier than most single parents. I didn't have a break at all from my children for the first 3 years (or more) of their lives, and I also had one child with special needs.
Speaking of being lazy, since you don't have a job to go to, and only 2 kids during the day while the others are at school, there's no reason for your apartment to be as filthy as it is. It's disgusting. Not to mention unsanitary for 4 kids, especially when one is a baby. Get up off your lazy ass and clean your home.
You choose to have a dog, so again, get up off your lazy ass and take it out for a walk so it stops urinating and deificating in the children's beds, and on their clothes. Although I don't understand why someone who admits they can't afford to feed their children in the fist place even has a dog... it's yet another responsibility, another mouth to feed.
A child needs their mother, start acting like one. And while your at it, your actions tell me you could really use some serious psychiatric interventions. I know telling you this is useless but if you help yourself, you'll also be helping your children. They don't need to see you too lazy to get up out of bed, too lazy to clean, too lazy to work. They seriously don't need to see you acting like a whore either. Take a bath, brush your hair and your teeth and look after yourself and those beautiful children.
The next time you decide to pick on someone like a common school yard bully, choose your battles a little more wisely. When it comes to caring for children, first off I'm a product of the foster care system, I know first hand what's allowable and what's not, not only did I graduate high school (more than you) I received my diploma in early childhood education. I also completed two and a half years towards my nursing bachlorette (specializing in obstetrical care with a minor in psychology, I was a lifeguard by the time I was 16, and I owned a registered licensed daycare for the past five years. I have my clearance from child protection to care for foster children. Not only can I produce a list taller than me of parents that have used my services in the past, and would continue to make use of my services were they made available to them, that list includes foster parents, social workers and the very same judge that's hearing the case of the custody involving your children. I do believe that I am very well qualified to care for your children appropriately.
It's time to grow up, your children need their mother, no body can ever take that role away from you. Stop being so jealous of me and my role in your children and your ex's life. Take that hurt and anger or whatever it is and use it towards raising those children. Do you really want them to grow up to be bitter adults that follow in your foot steps? There's no reason why everyone involved in this shouldn't be able to each play a role in your children's life.
ahhhh now if only I could send that.
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