The kids return from their mother's tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to it. I've reached the point where 4 kids is just not enough any more. It's too quiet here with only 4. I never thought I'd reach the point where I'd be saying this. It's only taken 7 months. Wow, has it really been that long? It doesn't seem it. Yet at the same time it just seems like it's been forever, like they've always just been a part of our lives.
Things weren't always like this. It took a pretty major awakening for me to get here. I think the turning point for me was after a long talk late one night with a good friend of mine, Pat. After spending a long night dealing with all 8 on my own while Steve worked one of his night shifts, I called in near tears. The kids wouldn't stop fighting, the baby had explosions happening in places no one wants explosions, he was cranky, his butt hurt, the kids were tattling on each other every 2 minutes.... it just wouldn't end. Pat's got no experience with kids, he's never been a parent. I just needed a friend, I was frustrated. I was at my breaking point. I seriously thought I was doing both Steve and his children a dis service by staying here, staying involved. It was a shitty night.
Pat listened, he said all the right things, at exactly the right times. As Pat always does, he helped me examine the WHY's of what I was feeling. I've owned a daycare for a few years, it couldn't have been the number of kids, that's never gotten to me before. There had to be reasons behind it. Pat hit the sore point. I never realized it, there was reasons behind it and many of them.
I won't waste time listing all the reasons, it's a mute point anyway, what has stuck with me, is what Pat said at the end of the conversation....
Think back to when you were a kid... and even if you didn't know why, and even if that person didn't come right out and say it to you, you could pick up when someone just didn't like you. Don't you think they can pick up on it too?
He was right. As much as I didn't want to hear it, he was being 100% honest with me. I didn't like his kids. And it was my fault. I hadn't tried to like them. I hadn't bothered to put the time or the effort into even getting to know his kids. I wasn't even trying. They were just...there. Steve was being totally accepting of my children, and my children don't leave, he doesn't get a break from them. Yet, here I was not even making the effort to get to know his kids, or to even try.
I decided then that things had to change. I started putting the effort into things. They weren't just there anymore. I started acting like more of a parent towards them, doing things with them, being a part of their lives. It's surprising how far a little effort can take you.
Well, way more than good. Some days are still a test, but what parent doesn't have those days? Toss 8 rugrats together there's going to be days where you wished you had've taken out stock in Tylenol. But I enjoy his kids being here now, I enjoy doing things with them. In the downtime when they aren't here, I'm looking for things to do with them that hopefully won't end in disaster. It's been a challenge, and with 8 it probably always will be... but now it's a challenge I enjoy.
And Pat... thank you :D
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